I just got this tattoo over the weekend. My very first one! If it's too small to see, it's a daisy, bluebells, and a marigold bound with the word 'amaising.'

I have wanted it for the past 5 years but so many things kept happening that it always fell off my list. But this was the absolute perfect time for it--I got to go with one of my daughters too--and it feels so luxurious. Sometimes the wait is so worth it.

This gift is purely to honor my past and the heroic little girl that I was despite the odds.

A little over 5 years ago, as Covid was hitting, I was hit with a revelation so deep it rocked my world. I was stirred by the terrifying memories of child abuse that lasted over a decade. I had quite competently tucked it all away so that I could deal with it at the right time—and that time came when I had some of the most loving support I had ever had from beloved people who were clearly put onto my path for this very work. They knew it, and I knew it, and I walked through hell.

And as the terrible memories would surface and I would have to reckon with them and where they were held in my body, I began to understand what an absolutely courageous little girl I had been. I’m pretty sure that’s because there literally was no other option. I just did what I had to and that was the way that my soul had chosen to handle it--which also meant saving the hard healing for another time.

As the months went on I  began to call that courageous little girl me Maisy. I think it's because she needed me to call her something independent of who I had grown up as that respected her independence--even though she is me and I am her. She is my beloved now. She is a heroine of the highest orders. She dealt with the unspeakable and she managed to shine no matter what. She became a state contender in public speaking in high school and was chosen to give her class graduation speech. She clearly let her voice shine through despite it all.

And so I really wanted to honor Maisy, my youngest self, in a way that would give tribute to how amazing she was. Is. In this creation, the center daisy is for her, and the yellow is for a shorts-and-shirt-combination  she so often wore playing in our neighborhood like nothing was wrong.

The word amaising is a tribute to her completely and that's why it's spelled like that. The other two flowers are the birth month flowers for my daughters. Together we are a trinity of strength despite the odds. Together we have weathered our share of trauma in a number of ways.

We three are strong because of it all, and we are here because Maisy was indomitable. She defied the odds. She did not end up some tragedy on the evening news. She persevered and created her own life. And it is truly nothing short of amaising.

I think we can all benefit from giving this kind of tribute to our past little selves. Or even to our past versions as adults who have persevered despite the odds. Our younger selves who dared to be themselves, to live through varying horrors or difficulties or shame or separation, only to come out all the wiser, all the more elevated in compassion, understanding, and love. Our little ones who got through the scary times to become the adults that we are. Who thrived in a world that could have taken us down. The world has had far too much of that old energy—and in my new heaven on earth—the one we are co-creating—we are finding better and better ways to live as humans in peace and wonder, instead of survival and fear, aren’t we. It is a glorious—even if challenging—thing. But it’s happening and it’s working.

Do you have anything to say to or share with YOUR little child self? I highly recommend you take some time for this if you have not. I can’t explain it, but the love that I now feel for Maisy is just like the love I feel for all of my beloveds. I actually admire her….me….so much. I have been able to reconcile a past that held complete confusion and disparity, to live in peace and cohesiveness much of the time now. It’s miraculous. Especially when you throw in the additional feat of completely letting go of cancer.

To be clear....I couldn’t have done any of this without my loving connection with Spirit and a whole lot of support from many. I have been blessed in extraordinary ways. And so I send that support to you if you seek it.

And I have a question: Are you able to love yourself this much too? Because I know now that this kind of self love is one of the biggest secrets to being fully healed and whole. To love every single bit of ourselves and our lives no matter what brings a peace and love that is beyond reason but that, surprisingly, can be experienced as...incredible freedom.

If you can’t….that’s ok. You might set the intention to experience this, and then co-create a deeper experience with that part of you that still yearns to be known, trusted, and, loved. This is part of learning to lovingly parent yourself.

I want to tell you something else, too: In one of the last major healings I experienced through connection with Maisy, in my vivid inner eye, she was frolicking and laughing and playing in the front yard where I grew up. I saw how for the past 5 years I had only mainly been able to focus on the traumatized version of her. But she showed me the OTHER truth: That nothing could actually EVER harm her, or take her power, or make her feel anything she didn’t want to feel. Nothing. She said to me in perfectly clear terms as she did cartwheels in the yellow shorts and top she loved sooooo much: “I’ve been here all along. It was you who left.” My point is, it was all temporary and there is always the opportunity for redemption on any level you want.

I am so grateful to say that I have returned home to my truth: That nothing can ever steal my happiness, my divinity, my power, my light. Ever. It has all just been one experience after another leading me to this present moment. And in this moment, finally, all is well; I am completely in love with my past and even the people who caused such pain. (I was asked by Spirit last year if I could just let my past go, and on that day, the answer was a holy hell yes. And that has made all the difference.)

So here's to you, and to us, and to our indomitable little inner children. We are who we are because they were who they were, and I just share a blanket of gratitude for whoever you were as a little one, because somehow that has led you to this community and this message, and together we really are co-creating a new world. Thank you for being a part of mine.

Namaste.
--Suzanne

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If you are seeking peace and resolution from the past, you might consider readings with me to help you enter your Akashic Records and work with purely loving guides who will shed the light and perspective needed in order to make clear choices and heal or create. Reach out if you would like some assistance. Book a discovery call or package here and let's talk.