Saved By Love.
I am no longer sugar-coating my story. There's far too much of this horrific experience on the planet these days and I dare not remain silent.
I am a survivor.
I have survived childhood rape and incest. I have survived narcissism. I have survived marriage to an addict of many things. I have survived separation and divorce. I have survived breast cancer and a mastectomy in my right breast.
That's a lot, and I don't like to revisit the details because they're gory and they feel bad and they don't really serve anyone anymore like they used to.
But what I have realized through it all is something so profound that I want to sing it from the mountain-tops, like this woman in Guangdong, China. No matter what the world and its people bring you, this I know for sure: There is always, always, always....Love.
Love Saved Me. I would not be alive today without Divine Intervention.
This world is wrapped in Love. But the truth is, it's sticky. It's messy. It's fraught with misunderstanding. Divine Love is like the gold medal at the Olympics: It's the holy grail for some of us who know we know something so so much more is out there, we're willing to lay down our lives to find it. And, I've basically done that. I'm not bragging, but you could say I have sacrificed a hell of a lot in order to find this thing called Divine Love.
I left a high-profile and really well-paying job in corporate Washington, D.C. to find my way into Love again. And baby, I *can* actually say, on most days now, that yes: It was worth it. But it came with a price.
What price? Giving up my ego and my former identity, is the big one, but giving up everything I was holding onto is the other one. Every old belief, theory, spiritual bypass, bad bad habit. I even changed my name. But now, my name IS me. It is not his. Or his. Or his. Or hers. It's mine. All mine. And it feels incredibly holy. My new name was shown to me by God. God literally showed me, or gave me, my new name. God, Spirit, a friend, my Angels. They brought me my new name at the perfect time--right when I was reinventing myself.
I was saved from the tyranny of abuse, which lasted many decades in my sub-conscience and life choices, and I was given an entirely new life, name, freedom, and countenance. People who see images and videos of the old me say they don't even recognize who she was back then. She is not me. I am not her. I am transformed, by Love. I was given a choice, and I said yes.
Love has plucked me as a wounded child from the side of the country road, held me, helped me purge every bit of fear and pain and trauma out of my body, and then helped me become a butterfly again. Love helped me polish my heart, my wings, and every single chakra back to wholeness. Love guided me back INto my sacred heart.
The hardest part? I had to learn to love myself.
This sounds so harsh, but in many wasy I behaved like a prostitute. Not always, but a lot, and I don't even mean sexually, but emotionally. I had been groomed. I had been manipulated and fondled and left to die a very slow, painful death by inner asphyxiation. I became terribly co-dependent and married someone who could match me in dysfunction, because that's what we do. And so often, we do marry our fathers, unless we're taught otherwise.
But Love came along in the form of an angel who said she would help me, and then along came another human angel, and another, and true friends supported me, and Love channeled through them, and Love showed me that there was some way I was meant to live that was quite different from my current situation.
My angels literally asked me one day as I kneeled near one of my home altars in my bedroom...they asked me this and I said yes: "Would you like for us to take you out of your current situation and into a life that is beyond your wildest dreams, darling?"
What they didn't say, but what was the bigger part of their message and my agreement, was this: "We love you so very very very much. We so dearly want for you to be happy, and complete, and in high service in this life. Are you willing to go to the ends of the Earth for yourself? Are you willing to die for yourself? To abandon all the remnants of trauma and the beliefs that are killing you slowly, taking your breath away, every day? Because we know you know THAT feeling. Would you like to FEEL like a lightbulb plugged back in to your True Source, all shiny and golden? Because that's actually possible, if you'll allow us to show you the way."
They also asked very clearly: Would you like it to be the slow way, or the fast way?
I chose fast. No messing around. Fast and furious. Literally.
So that was almost two years ago. And standing now on this side of the Hell that I had to walk through to die and become free, I can say I am glad I did. Love is beginning to blossom in me in brand new ways that I could not even dare have imagined, through my work with clients, my friendships, and the healing and reunion with my teenage daughters that is also a tremendous part of the equation, and the gift.
They say the slow way could have taken decades, honestly. I held the kind of trauma in my system that can send women and men like me to a mental institution for a very long time, it's so intense and heart-wrenching. So it is ONLY with the hand of Divine Love holding me every single step of the way that I stand today -- in my divinity, in my Sovereignty, in my birthright, held by the hands that love me eternally. And this now I know to be true.
I didn't do it alone. I was NEVER alone. Even on those nights in my childhood bedroom...there was an angel who stood vigil every single moment and was witness to it all. I can see her even now.
Yes, I know with every fiber of my body I experienced everything -- every sordid and later splendid bit of it -- with Spirit holding and guiding me. And that includes a highly skilled and completely loving team of some very very dear friends, therapists, healers, and bodyworkers. There are so very many on this planet who know how to help release trauma. And I now know this and work with others as I am guided by Love. We cannot -- let me say again -- cannot -- do this alone. And we don't have to.
I had resources, thank God. I had time (because we suddenly went into quarantine.) And I had Love. And I became willing to surrender, over, and over, and over again to the One who loves me unconditionally, and all of the Ones who now I know love me unconditionally, as I so dearly also love them.
Now I am beginning, just beginning, to really understand this Divine Love. This Holy Love. The Full and Complete Light of the One Who Loves Us ALL Unconditionally. It overflows, endlessly, like a fountain. And I pray I am learning to let it be that in me, from me...as me.
And friends, when you let that light in....miracles happen. It's what dreams and healing are made of.
I witness it every day. Miracles upon miracles, sprinkled with more rainbowy miracles.
I pray a prayer of offering to the One and the Ones who love us unconditionally. I don't really know where they and I begin or end, and it doesn't really matter. I know, I trust, I surrender to complete holding, that it is here. Always. And all we have ever, ever, ever needed to do was to say yes to it. And now that is my prayer to you, dear one. Say yes to love. Every moment of every day. For that is the place where peace and miracles take root, over and over and over again.
I am not a licensed therapist or medical professional, and make no claims as such. I coach individuals experiencing similar trauma and oppressive thoughts, experiences and relationships, using energy work and the Source-connected guidance of Spirit.
If you are seeking freedom from similar experiences and patterns and the excruciating hold it has had on you, and ready to invest in your future through participating in my Academy of Inner Freedom, please reach out and arrange a freedom call (free of charge) to connect and determine your best path forward, and whether we are a good fit.
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