As I Integrate My Disheveled Selves
This process of healing and integration is real. It's a thing. And it's so many things. But today I speak of the re-integration of our halves -- our human, and our Spirit. That which is All Part of God, All From God.
I believe that we are all children of God. And God is Great, and God is Good. And sometimes people make very very harmful, even evil choices.
But as one who is a high empath, my path with this Divine Love became very confusing for many reasons, and one of them is this:
I know what it FEELS like to FEEL the true love of the Divine coursing through my body. When I come into a full channeling state, as when I do my work in a class or session, or sit deep in meditation, my cells light up like Christmas lights and it feels like pure bliss. It is extravagant. It is merciful. It feels electric. And in that moment, I have no doubt of who I am, or that there IS a God.
And as a high empath, that is not my state of being 100% of my time here. In fact for decades I had none of that. I experienced this resonant light connection as a child, and very much in college, and when I lived in Poland for 2 years. Then it went away and one reason was because I consumed high amounts of alcohol and lived in a rather oblivious, common state as a young urban professional in the 90s. Then, it began coming back when I took up yoga, meditation & Reiki some 15 years ago. I know I felt this ecstatic state it when I would hold and breastfeed my babies, when I was in a truly happy place with them or with friends, when I was one with nature.
But it has always been fleeting. It comes, and it goes.
And here's the thing: When it goes away (like when I'm angry or frenetic or just doing a million things and not consciously connecting to my Higher Power...) the illusion of abandonment kicks in. Does this sound familiar to you? I start to feel anxious, and more frenetic, and I have the illusion (though at the time I don't think of it as an illusion) that I am not connected to God.
So I learned to check in. Things like turning on a beautiful song or mantra bring me back. A quick prayer does too. Or a reading for myself, or a channeling, and always my blessed work brings me back into the deep feelings of how I perceive my Divine and holy connection.
And honestly with more time, deeper clearing, continued shedding of old beliefs and resistance, I do spend more and more of my waking time in this state of electrification of my cells and the wonder of the connection with -- and I mean wholly with -- the Divine, who loves me unconditionally. Mother Father God. The Universe of Pure Love. Source.
But in the times it dims, because I become more my human nature self in some kind of struggle (say an issue with my teens, or just doing things like tending chores), my psyche had been such that I actually FELT abandoned. And then, I THOUGHT I was abandoned--and I mean, abandoned by God himself, or herself. This hyper-tense state of abandonment & fear takes soooo much darn energy. It actually drains me.
This is the kind of thing that causes anxiety, and also other things like adrenal fatigue, depression, malaise.
So my feelings actually trick my mind into thinking that I am abandoned. I actually know it's not true, but the feelings are so intense that they override my conscious mind until I reel myself back in.
That's why loving myself -- loving ourselves -- is so dang important. In these times, it's nobody's job but my own to get myself out of the insanity and into the truth. God's love never leaves. Ever. I'm just the silly Suzanne who forgets he/she is there, and because of my extreme childhood trauma disorder, I actually believe the story I've told myself.
That's why there's so much emphasis on therapies today like EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing,) tapping, and positive self talk. While it's true that I was recklessly abandoned during my child and teen years, I escaped that hell and did very well for myself. But the trauma lines run so deep that it's still work to catch myself in decades-old behaviors and thought patterns. And the great news is that now, I am able to catch myself more and more quickly, more and more frequently, and turn to a trusted technique.
That's why I do Reiki every day, and teach it as an essential life skill. It's one of the best tools I've come across to help me stay grounded, in compliance with my actual truth, and resilient. I would never have healed these deep wounds without Reiki, in fact.
It is my belief now that we come into this world as innocent, whole children of God, straight from the Source of Infinite Unconditional Love that holds us so dear. Newborns and babies are pure Love consciousness. Pure Source. YOU....are still like that newborn -- a consciousness that is pure love. But over your lifetime, experiences one after another happened and you have created and built a pretty solid belief system that made you think you were NOT that pure essence of Love from Source. I believe we pretty much all do this to some degree and it's why we come to Earth.
So I have begun to see that for many people these days, the spiritual journey is one of so many 'unhookings' or 'unpluggings' from those things that happened long ago that made you THINK you were not loved; Things that made you totally forget who you are and where you came from; Things that made you think & feel that you are not worthy. Things that made you totally afraid of things that go bump in the night.
But sister, you really are from that luminescent Source.
You always were, and it weaves through you as your pure soul light.
You have just been having a human experience in the unknown of relative separation, isolation, & extreme contrast in order to learn, grow, feel, enjoy something new, heal....be.
But if you're ready....and I mean ready....to shed those lingering feelings of not being loved, whole, connected, a true child of God, your True Self....
Let's get to work.
Let's go in, together, and dig out those old beliefs, so that you can be set free of them.
It will be my pleasure to be your trusted guide for a time to help light your way.
I already love you, because I know who you really are. You are light, and you are loved.
I have had to do this for myself to even be able to say things like that--and with great and merciful help on earth and in heaven.
But I stand tall now in these truths.
And I want you to know this same truth that your heart calls you to. I want you to know and feel this same holy light. I want it for your children, too, because they are our future, and they needn't suffer such extreme separation if their mamas understand and can help the navigate more lightly in their younger years.
This whole, unconditional love is here at the altar for you whenever you are ready.
It's Divine. YOU, darling, are Divine.
Come and worship at the altar of Divine Love.
Join me for an exquisite journey of Divine Love next Wednesday afternoon to learn more, hear more about my story, and see if you'd like to do this kind of work for yourself. All in the name of Love, Freedom, and True, Soulful Liberation.
See if you'd like to join my Soulful Liberation tribe. I'd love to meet you and see if we're a good fit.
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